If only my ex had shown the slightest ounce of compassion during the height of the hot flashes portion of menopause, things might have been different. I used to get up to 20 flashes a day, during both daylight hours and night time. He never cared. Still expected me to 'offer myself' to him. Even when sweat was pouring off me and I felt like maybe this was what spontaneous human combustion was all about.
And he wonders why I left.
And not just because of this.
A thousand tiny cuts. A thousand displays of disrespect and obvious disinterest in anything other than my body.
Freedom was hard to reach for, but it was worth it.
Oof, yes. A thousand tiny cuts. I think men are conditioned in a way they don’t know how to care or that they even should. As you noted, “he wonders why I left”. I’m not excusing the behavior. I’m seeing after all these years and working with dozens of women just how injurious patriarchy is to everyone. Women are waking up and stepping away as a result.
So many parallels to unpack here. A 10-year run of sexless marriage that I refer to as the journey through the desert. My own journey with HRT and return to intimacy. Tough conversations and moments of truth within my relationship finally arriving at real understanding.
This line in particular: We are taught to be everything for everyone and nothing for ourselves.
I wrote something similar in an essay I published a few weeks ago.
Check my page for several articles that mat be of interest. 💜💜💜
My body was showing me exactly where I had been betraying myself" reframes the whole HRT decision as something closer to listening than giving up on treatment. "Not out of spite. Out of wisdom," next to the compassion for your husband that came later, is the real arc here, self-compassion clearing enough space to actually see him too, not just forgive him. That's a harder kind of softening than the one in the title.
Thanks for this reflection Amy. Two things. Reading this gave me the sense that the spiteful action was taking HRT - trying to get a body out of compliance to listen to me, instead of listening to it. As for the harder kind of softening. Yes. And, to have inner peace, I had to stop seeing him as the villain. We’re all carrying unspoken wounds. Radical Forgiveness (Colin Tipping) the recognition that nothing actually needs forgiving - it is all serving something.
If only my ex had shown the slightest ounce of compassion during the height of the hot flashes portion of menopause, things might have been different. I used to get up to 20 flashes a day, during both daylight hours and night time. He never cared. Still expected me to 'offer myself' to him. Even when sweat was pouring off me and I felt like maybe this was what spontaneous human combustion was all about.
And he wonders why I left.
And not just because of this.
A thousand tiny cuts. A thousand displays of disrespect and obvious disinterest in anything other than my body.
Freedom was hard to reach for, but it was worth it.
Oof, yes. A thousand tiny cuts. I think men are conditioned in a way they don’t know how to care or that they even should. As you noted, “he wonders why I left”. I’m not excusing the behavior. I’m seeing after all these years and working with dozens of women just how injurious patriarchy is to everyone. Women are waking up and stepping away as a result.
This is so powerful and deeply resonates with me. Thank you for sharing and shedding light on this💜
Thank you for saying so Penelope. Would you be willing to share what you felt deeply?
So many parallels to unpack here. A 10-year run of sexless marriage that I refer to as the journey through the desert. My own journey with HRT and return to intimacy. Tough conversations and moments of truth within my relationship finally arriving at real understanding.
This line in particular: We are taught to be everything for everyone and nothing for ourselves.
I wrote something similar in an essay I published a few weeks ago.
Check my page for several articles that mat be of interest. 💜💜💜
My body was showing me exactly where I had been betraying myself" reframes the whole HRT decision as something closer to listening than giving up on treatment. "Not out of spite. Out of wisdom," next to the compassion for your husband that came later, is the real arc here, self-compassion clearing enough space to actually see him too, not just forgive him. That's a harder kind of softening than the one in the title.
Thanks for this reflection Amy. Two things. Reading this gave me the sense that the spiteful action was taking HRT - trying to get a body out of compliance to listen to me, instead of listening to it. As for the harder kind of softening. Yes. And, to have inner peace, I had to stop seeing him as the villain. We’re all carrying unspoken wounds. Radical Forgiveness (Colin Tipping) the recognition that nothing actually needs forgiving - it is all serving something.